Love Duckie

It makes me sad when I see people like Caitlin and Zoot who blog daily and I can’t even manage one blog a week right now. I do miss blogging but every time I sit here and start typing, I get so far and then decide I don’t like what I’ve written and just delete it all without even bothering to re-write it. A lot has been happening recently and I probably have had about two weeks worth of daily blogs to write but I just haven’t and now I have so much to write about that I just can’t be bothered. I promise I will try harder, more for my own sake than anyone else’s. I miss having a journal of my life whether its on here or in a diary. For now, you have a bulleted post to catch up with everything.

• It rained in the house on Monday. Well, it poured in the house. Alex and I had the paddling pool out for Meghan and we were happily filling it up with no problems. I took Meghan upstairs to get her changed into her swimming costume and came back downstairs with no problems. We carried on filling it up while Meghan was in and I nipped back inside for something and heard dripping. I didn’t think anything of it so went back out. I came back in again along with Alex and we both heard it. There was water on the floor all behind my computer desk and when I opened the door to the stairs I saw it all pouring out of the attic. In a mad rush, we turned all the electrics off, turned the hose pile off and the water stop tap. I phoned the landlord in a panic and pretty much shouted at him when he said he was busy and couldn’t phone the plumber until he got home four hours later. He got the plumber out within the hour and in the meantime, we had to sit there wondering what the hell was going on. I didn’t know how bad it was and whether I’d need to move out or not while the damage was sorted out. I was definitely panicing too much but when its in your house, where you live and where everything you love is, its hard not to panic. Nothing was damaged thankfully. All the computer wires were wet so I had to unplug everything and wipe it all down. The tower and the monitor were dry though so I was lucky. I had to leave the electricity off for 12 hours since the water had been dripping through two light fittings so I ended up in bed early. Typically, Meghan woke up in the night so I had to stumble out of bed in the pitch black to go and see her. That was fun. I did have a torch but it wasn’t much help. The insurance company came out yesterday and left me with a dehumidifier to dry the carpet out. They said that the damage is bad enough for them to cover the redecoration of the hall, stairs and landing and I will also have a new ceiling put in because its bowed with the water. I might not get a new carpet because its pretty old anyway but to be honest, it still really smells and I hope when they come back they decide it does need replacing. My landlord will be back in England in a couple of weeks (he lives in Thailand) so I’ll know what he’s going to do with the redecorating when he comes back.
• I’m photographing a wedding in two weeks. I responded to a job advertisement over at Photographers.co.uk just under two weeks ago for a wedding photography assistant. Its just a one off job but it was a paying job and its the experience I was after more than anything. I got a call within a matter of days from the women who put the advertisement in telling me I was the first one she’d rang and I had the job! I’m really excited but very nervous. Its on Saturday 18th July and I’m there pretty much all day. I’m meeting with the photographer tomorrow afternoon just so we can meet face-to-face and then hopefully I’ll be meeting the couple before the wedding so we can be introduced. I need to buy some new clothes to wear for the wedding but I’ll do that the week before.
• Meghan’s going to be a little ballerina. She starts ballet lessons tomorrow afternoon. I really wanted to get her into dance at a very young age and I found classes from two and half years old about fifteen minutes walk from me. Even before she was born, when I knew I was having a little girl, I wanted her to have dance lessons. If she doesn’t like it after a few weeks then I’ll bring her out of it but I’m sure she’ll love it. She’s getting really excited about going and can’t wait until tomorrow.
• Emelye’s a big sister again. Emelye’s mum had her little boy yesterday. I’m not sure what time or weight or anything. I don’t know if I’ll be going to see him because these baby urges are driving me insane and I know if I have a newborn baby put into my arms it’ll just top it off and I’ll demand Alex give me a baby, haha.
• The flip-flops are out in England. The weather has been beautiful for at least a week now and its going to stay nice. Its lovely being able to go outside and its sunny and warm rather than miserable and raining. I’m not complaining about the heat, I’m enjoying it. Its not going to be here for long so I might as well enjoy it while it lasts.
• London here I come! I’m back in London in five days. I’m so excited and I really hope the weather stays nice like this. Me and my sister, Amy wrote down where we’re going and when on Tuesday night so we have all our two and a half days planned out. We’re heading to Madame Tussauds, London Zoo and the Natural History Museum as well as Oxford Street and Camden Markets. I’ll definitely have photos this time too since I’m hoping my camera won’t die on me again.
• It was my best friend’s 21st on Tuesday. So tonight, we’re heading out for a meal at our favourite restuarant along with Amy and then out for a few drinks and a dance. I’m really looking forward to it. I still can’t decide what to wear though.

That turned out to be longer than I planned! I’d better get going. I have a dentist appointment in an hour and a half and I still need to wrap up all my ebay items that I sold so I can post them on the way home.

The HonestScrap award comes with a caveat or two. Firstly, you have to tell your readers ten things about you they may not know, but that are true.  Secondly, you have to tag 10 people with the award.

1. All my friends around me are getting married and I can’t. It depresses the hell out of me because I just want to be a married woman. I want Meghan to have the same surname as both of her parents (she has Alex’s name) and I want to make that big commitment to Alex. I would do it in the registry office with me, Alex, the kids and a witness each but he doesn’t want that so I have to wait until we have the money.
2. Right now I have the biggest baby urges ever. This is the third week I’ve felt like this and I’m driving myself insane. It had better pass.
3. I really want to go to university but the thought scares me. I haven’t worked or been in education or three years now and that’s a long time to be out of that environment.
4. My middle name is Holly and one of the names I loved for Meghan before we decided on her names was Hollie. Alex’s surname begins with a H though so we decided against it since it rhymed too much.
5. I went to private school for approximately two school terms. I really enjoyed it but there was a lot of competition where grades were concerned - I was 6. My great-uncle and great-grandma paid for the first two terms on the condition that my Dad carried on payments which he agreed to but then changed his mind once I was there so I was pulled out of it and put back into my old school. I wish they had kept me there, and I would do anything to put Meghan into private education. It upsets me that I can’t.
6. I’ve had an anger problem since I was very young. I’ve learnt to control myself over the years and I’m become a calmer person but I still bubble up over nothing quite a lot. Kickboxing used to fix that for me but its too expensive now for me to do.
7. No matter how crap it is, Big Brother takes over my summer and when it ends, I am completely lost as to what I am supposed to do in the evenings.
8. I try so hard to eat healthy but when it comes down to it, I’m so lazy and convenience food is just so much easier for me.
9. For the last four films, me and my sister have gone to watch Harry Potter on the opening day and we always complain all the way through it. I already have my tickets for this year and I plan on wearing my Ravenclaw scarf and my “Dumbledore Dies” T-shirt. If they don’t know by now then they have totally been living under a rock.
10. I love London. This visit will be my third time in under twelve months and I’m tempted not to come home.

I tag Sarah, Elyse, Chenoa, Chrissy, Mike, Caitlin, Anna, Jess, Terri and Jess!

… which if you didn’t know is a song by CSS. I’m not just being random. At least not much. I’ve been listening to a lot of music recently. In the past week alone I have listened to more music than I have in the whole of 2009.  I don’t know what brought back my love for music. I mean, it never really went anywhere, I just didn’t find the time to listen to it. I also think that it has a lot to do with the fact that I have very different tastes of music than anyone in my family - apart from my sister - and I always think that people won’t really want to listen to Pendulum and American Head Charge along with CSS, Yeah Yeah Yeahs and Fat Boy Slim. I think the only bands that go down well with everyone else are the Kings of Leon who I have been playing a lot recently and the Editors. I also have this strange thing about Meghan listening to metal. I think I don’t want to fill her brain full of anger at such a young age but metal does the total opposite to me. Its like a release of anger which is why even though the rock club in town is complete dive, I love going just to dance all night. Meghan doesn’t really listen to music at all and I think its about time she did. I’m listening to a huge variety right now and hopefully she will pick up her own love of music from that.

With all the music I’ve been listening to, I have been greatly missing going to gigs. I didn’t go to the Download Festival again this year and the line-up was amazing. I purposely booked my engagement party over Download weekend so that I would have a good time regardless of whether I was going or not but we all know how that turned out. I spent most of my night wishing I’d have saved up and gone to Download instead. I have a list of bands right now who I’m dying to see live - The Prodigy, Pendulum, Kings of Leon, Editors and Kasabian. Alex saw Kasabian the other week when he saw Oasis at Heaton Park, Manchester which I missed out on. No one seems interested in going to gigs anymore though and I’m considering just starting to go to them on my own. I’m sure I’d find someone to talk to until the band come on and then I wouldn’t care about whether I was alone or not. It saves trying to find all your mates when the gig’s finished and you’ve lost everyone!

I think right now music is really helping me. It seems to be making more motivated and not as down in myself in the evenings when I’m alone. I’m also finding myself wanting to go into HMV and browse the CD’s like I used to. Alex told me there is no point buying CD’s anymore because I listen to all my music on iTunes (mainly so it clocks it on last.fm) but I love CD’s. Nothing is better than going and buying the CD of your favourite band on the day they released their new album and rushing home to listen to it.

After last weekend I think I’m going to head into town less and go to gigs more. Its a better night out overall and it means I’ll actually get to listen to music I like which is always a plus!

(Isn’t it nice to have a positive post for once? I like it.)

I’m not sure whether that’s a good thing or not really. At least everyone who came will remember that night they came to Katy and Alex’s party but it’ll be a negative outlook rather than something positive. I’m no good at telling stories because most of the time I get fed up of listening to myself after a few minutes and just want to stop talking - or typing - and forget the whole thing. I’ll try my best but I’m not promising anything.

We had a few problems with the venue when we got there. The room that they put us in had no music on and they couldn’t or wouldn’t do anything about it so Alex moved the bands gear into the bar area instead since they had music on in there. We then found out that they had no beers on tap and that there weren’t many bottles either. There was only a small range of spirits too hardly any shots. It was a bit pathetic to be honest considering we had a party going on. The place started filling up a bit and we forgot about the minor things and concentrated on having a nice time. Between here and when I finish, its most second hand information but some of it I was there for. Alex started having a bit of trouble with the bouncer on the door and he was being a bit of a dick. He wasn’t letting Alex’s friend Tony’s girlfriend come in because she didn’t have any ID and because Alex said something he didn’t like, he told Alex he couldn’t go in either but Alex ran past him. I heard he was throwing people out so I got worried about Amy being thrown out since she’s only 18 but he came upstairs looking for Alex not Amy. He didn’t find him even though he was stood right next to him. Tony’s girlfriend decided she would go home and get her ID and then come back so her and Tony’s sister went off. Tony was outside having a smoke and he had his beer outside which isn’t allowed. The bouncer asked him to go and put it on the table just inside the door which he did and the bouncer followed him inside, kicked him to the floor and started stamping on his head. Total unprovoked attack. There were around five/six witnesses to the attack who all said Tony did nothing but do what the doorman asked of him and he got jumped on. Amy’s boyfriend ran upstairs to get Alex when the attack was happening and Alex’s stormed downstairs and after the bouncer and by the time I got down there, Alex was in was the middle of the street surrounded by loads of our friends screaming his head off at him. Tony had a big gash on the back of his head and one on his forehead. Alex kept going on at him for around five minutes until the police turned up and they went around getting statements from everyone who had witnessed it. The bouncer got arrested after about twenty minutes and Tony was bandaged up and taken to hospital. I wish I could say it ended there but Alex was really pissed off (obviously) and got in loads of arguments with people, including a cop. His brother managed to calm him down once we walked half way to the club we were heading too and the night was great from then on. I got to dance to the music I love and completely let myself go. It might be a shit hole in that place but I feel safe.

There’s not much else I can say about last night. It was shit and it was good. The manager of the club had it all on CCTV so even though the bouncer was saying it was self defensive, it clearly shows that it wasn’t in the slightest. The bands that played for us were great as well as the two acoustic sets. All of them carried on playing while all the shit was going down and I really appreciate it from all of them. I’ll tell you what though, I’m not having another party again for a long, long time.

I think June will be a good month. Lets see what I have going on in June;

• Wednesday 3rd - Lunch with my best friend, Aimee. Looking forward to a good chat and catching up over the last month.
• Thursday 4th - Interview at the adult learning centre at the university. I’m looking to just do something as I’m sat at home bored out of my mind. I’m hoping they do some decent English courses that I could do and if not, I’ll do some computer courses.
• Tuesday 9th - An informal meeting at the playgroup with all the parents and children who are starting in September along with Meghan.
• Friday 12th - My friend Suzi and her boyfriend are coming down for my engagement party. Alex is thinking about us all going out for a meal on that night which will be nice.
• Saturday 13th - Engagement party! Still have loads to do on that front. Really worried everything won’t be sorted out on time.
• Monday 22nd - Manchester Museum with Meghan and my sister, Amy. Meghan’s really looking forward to it and I can’t wait to show her a real dinosaur. Expect photos!

From the looks of things, June should be quite fun! I’m looking forward to July more than anything. Sunday afternoon I booked the train tickets and the B&B for myself and Amy to go to London again. I’m so excited. I have been really missing London for a while now and I mentioned it last week and the next thing I know, we are definitely going! Alex had paid for the train tickets as my birthday present because he still owed me one and Amy is paying for the hotel room. We’re going for two nights this time so we actually get to do everything we wanted to do last time. I’m not going for the shopping this time either, I’m going to do all the sightseeing - the London landmarks and the museums and art galleries. I really can’t wait and it can’t come quick enough. I’m selling loads of things I’ve had lying around for months on ebay to raise some cash for it. Hopefully everything sells for a decent price so I can take more than I planned with me. Have any of you been to London? Is there anywhere (preferably free!) that I should definitely go and see?

As you can see, we have a new theme here at Love Duckie. I thought it was about time for a change since my blogging had pretty much died. I’m finding it very hard to blog at the moment since the only time I get to blog is in the evening and by that time I’m too tired and miserable to be even bothered. I don’t think it helps that I don’t really have a topic to blog about. There have been several random things that have happened in the last couple of weeks that would have been great topics to blog about but I’ve always left it too late to blog about. Basically, I just need to put a lot more effort into this place and I’m going to start by redoing my About page because its pretty pathetic. I’ll be back again tomorrow with a decent blog but for now, here’s todays 365 Days Project photo.

I just don’t have the time or the energy for the internet right now. I’m on for around an hour a day and spend most of my time on Flickr and Facebook playing games. I’ll blog a little more when I have the energy.

About a week ago, maybe less, I discovered a new blog. It came across it either through some other blog or on my Google Reader, I can’t really remember but its the best blog I have ever read. Its called Kath Eats Real Food and its by a women, called Kath, obviously who gained weight in college, wasn’t happy and so lost it and now she blogs about what she eats and the exercise she does. Doesn’t sound so amazing does it? But her start weight was pretty much where I am now. I never, ever though I would be able to be thin. I know I’m not overweight and I’m not saying I am but I’m not happy in my body. I look at myself and what I see is not what I want. I have a podgy belly, big thighs and too much junk in the trunk. Plus the dreaded double chin and bingo wings. At Kath’s pre-weight loss weight, she looks like I look. She wasn’t happy with the way she looked either. And I bet numerous people told her that she was really slim and I bet it annoyed her as much as it annoys me. Reading her about page and her blog in general has made me really think that I can do this. I can actually be slim. I can wear a size 10 tight fitting dress and feel amazing. I can have the confidence to walk into the gym in shorts and a cropped top and run on the treadmill for thirty minutes without collapsing in a big heap. I can actually do this!

Right now, I’m working on controlling my eating. I haven’t had a bar of chocolate now for two days. I know thats not a lot but on a bad day, I could eat three. For the past two days, I’ve had 8 glasses of water and I have only been snacking on fruits and crackers - since thats basically all I have in! I can’t afford to eat healthy right now. I’m having a really bad month financially because of birthday nights out, which is my own stupid fault so since I can’t eat too good, I’m trying to eat less of what I do have in. For example, Thursday night its going to be pizza night (Iceland £1 pizzas are a godsend right now!) and I’d usually eat half or 3/4 while Meghan only has one piece but this time I’m going to have one slice and salad on the side. If I get hungry in the evening I’m replacing my usual 4/5 chocolate biscuits with a bowl of cereal or a couple of pieces of fruit. I really, really want to go back to the gym but I really don’t think I will be able to, so I need to get out jogging instead. If I could just get Alex to have Meghan for 30-40 minutes a day so I could go out then I’d feel so much better. No, I’m not really up for going out there alone but I don’t have anyone to go with and once I’m actually out running, I’ll just forget about being on my own and enjoy it.

I’m using Spark People a lot more at the moment which I think is helping. I’ve started using their exercise videos again because I really enjoyed them last time. I haven’t done my planned workout today because my legs really hurt from yesterday but I’ll catch up again tomorrow. I really hope this time will be it. I’ve had enough of swinging back and to all the time. I’m not going to deprive myself of the occasional treat food but they won’t be half as often as they used to be. First of all, I’d better stop climbing in the fridge…

You’ll have to excuse me for not blogging a lot recently. I have absolutely no motivation for blogging and when I do actually sit down to write a blog - even right now - I get totally distracted and start writing a load of crap which makes me just delete it. I have been spending most of my time online working on my Flickr 365 Days which you will have seen if you keep an eye on my Flickr account. I have also started up a new food blog called Dash of Cinnamon which is the next place I’ll be blogging at. Its really making me want to cook and bake a lot more and I’m actually getting food ideas in my head which has never happened before. I have lemon bars currently in the oven which are amazing and I can’t wait to eat one later. I was planning on heading upstairs at around 9PM but it looks like its going to be closer to 10PM. I have also been reading a lot, playing Farm Town on Facebook (its so addictive) and trying and giving up, knitting some socks. I just got really frustated with it and I have no desire to figure out where I’ve gone wrong.

I did some photos for a band last Thursday and its the best gig I’ve shot to date. The venue had great lighting and it was a metal band - both things I’ve had on my wish list for a couple of years. I really enjoyed the band too. You don’t get many metal bands coming out of my town, its all indie bands, so it was a great change to hear something I like. I’d get them playing at my party if I didn’t think I’d be the only one in there who would actually enjoy listening to them! I’m doing photos for them again in July and I can’t wait.

I turned twenty-three years old in a hip-hop club in town with my best friend in the world. What a great start to another year!  Aimee loves my hair by the way but she was very shocked as everyone else seems to be, haha. I had a fantastic night on Thursday even though the whole town centre was empty. It seems to be that way every time I go out these days. It started to get busy just before 12AM but we left thirty minutes later. I must have spent about two hours of my night just dancing and it was the best. Me and Aimee seem to always having the greatest time on a night out even though its just us two. I guess thats a true best friend.

Like the title says, I don’t feel any older now that I’m twenty-three. I actually keep thinking I’m twenty-four until I stop for a second and think about it. Its not good adding a year on to your age! Things I would like to do this year that I didn’t do over the last year? Well for one, I want to complete the 365 Days project over at Flickr without missing a day. I’m already on day four and its going really well. I’m enjoying myself and I’m hoping it will help me improve my photography as well as document myself for a year. My birthday present next year will be a photo book of all of my photos so I’m really trying to make sure each photo is at least half decent and isn’t just a last minute one or one taken on my mobile phone. I’d also really like to get a job. Hopefully a photography job but I’m not really getting my hopes up because they are so few and far between. An office job would do me as long as I actually feel like I’m doing something and I’m getting myself out of the house. The thought of going back to work is very scary, especially since it’s been four years since I last had a job. I think my last wish for this year is to be a better parent to Meghan. Be a little bit more patient with her and spend a lot more time teaching her new things.  I want her knowing the alphabet before her birthday and counting up to 20 as soon as possible. She can get up to 14 but then jumps to 17 so I need to work on that. I don’t think there is much else I want to do.

Can you tell I’m really not in the mood for blogging? I had to force myself to blog tonight as I had been putting it off for long enough. I’ve been busy over at Flickr with starting on the 365 Days and I’ve also been reading a lot too. I keep meaning to get started on the knitting too but when I tried the other night, I really messed my shrug up and now I don’t know where to go from here. I’m going to leave it until I’m really in the mood so I don’t mess it up again. And I’m also going to end here because I really feel like I’m just rambling and I don’t want to become one of those bloggers.